The Fight Club : Wits VS Reality : The Need To Innovate My Life

I’ve been doing a little soul searching lately and I realized that there are a lot of things in my life right now that should be addressed before I reach the big 2-3 a few days from now. If I was to “grade” myself on my life performance for the past two years, I’d be hesitant to even give myself a passing mark. You think I’m being hard on myself? Well, I seriously doubt that. In terms of “innovating” my life, I think I sucked at it for the past two years.

The past two years.

After I stepped off from the university, I thought it would only take me, at most, a year to be able to adjust to the hazards of the so-called “real life”. I was an idealistic and ambitious bastard who would tackle on almost anything just because I felt cocky and could take anything the world had to offer. Back then, I felt like there was nothing that could stop me from my journey to reach my destiny. There was nothing the world could offer to stop me. Not even make me flinch. But alas, my arrogance was due to my ignorance. The world was a far more bigger opponent. And because I was such an arrogant SOB, the world threw the craziest obstacles my way. Probably just to spite me. FML.

And here I am two years later, feeling like I’ve wasted 2 years of my life trying to survive life rather than conquering it.

This is not me.

I could already read your minds kids. You may tell me, “Wits, why are you in a hurry? You’re young and you have a lifetime ahead of you. You shouldn’t feel this way. “ Well, you’re right. I am young. And guess what, I’m dying. So are you.

What?

Tyler Durden said, “This is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time.” No truer words have been spoken. Until you understand this fact, you’ll never have the sense of urgency I’m having right now. You and I are dying. Are you doing something right now to make your life a little better than the last minute? I guess not since you’re here reading my blog.

What really gets to me is the fact that I “seem” to be enjoying quite a success with my little life campaigns. Operative word : seem. I talked to a good friend of mine last week and she told me that people would readily trade shoes with me if given the chance. I told her, if that chance came, I’d gladly do so. Because frankly, I hate who I am right now. No. Maybe hate is too much of a strong word. But I’m going to use that for lack of a better term. Thing is, I really don’t recognize who I am right now. This is not the “me” I know. And this is definitely not the “me” I want to be in the next 10 years.

Sure. I am thankful for the blessings that come my way. But that’s just material stuff. That’s just career stuff. That’s just stuff that could come and be taken away from you in a jiffy. Tyler Durden said, “You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fucking khakis.”

This is not you.

Are we defined with the stuff we own or are we defined by what we accomplish and create for the world?  When you say you’re afraid of losing everything, what do you mean by “everything”? Is it money? Career? Fame? People have evolved into creatures who are slaves to material wealth and tangible satisfaction. Once you start letting the stuff you own to own you to the point that you can’t live the life you want to live, then you know something is wrong with you. I want to be the person who does things because it’s part of his journey to happiness. To the few people who know me very well, they would attest that I can be the person with the most random ideas in the planet. I would plan out life strategies out of the blue and consider it as if it was the best damn strategy ever.  And in every life strategy, I am willing to give up all the “stuff” / “everything” I have right now if that’s what it takes to accomplish that goal. Why am I not worried about losing the so-called “everything”? It’s because I just own them. They don’t own me. These stuff can never stop me from my quest to happiness.

Now back to my problem.

There’s a reason why I’m still stuck at square 1. And I think I now know what it is.

I think I still lack the ability to innovate my life. Innovation is what happens when you recognize when to change the game plan and perhaps the entire game. Right now, inasmuch as I am strong willed to bend rules and shape my own reality, I think my capacity to move from one game plan to the next is where the trouble comes in. I have so many life strategies lined up right now but I’m little shorthanded in tackling all of them.

This is where the rules of reality kick in. The rules will restrict you to conform to the social norms that are detrimental to anyone’s destiny. For example, I have never met anyone who would wholeheartedly say that working 40+ hours a week is the best thing that’s happening to his life right now. Because really, if we all had the chance, we won’t be working in the first place. We’d be doing something else. Something that would make us happy. We’d be travelling all over the world, spending time with our families, watching TV series, playing with our pets, enjoying literature with your special someone or whatever.

If it weren’t for the financial side of things, most of us wouldn’t be working at all! I call BS on all those people who say they’re happy working. Really now. Who the hell is happy while working? Well I think… Something is wrong with you. You need to get a life.

This is you. You don’t look happy.

Unless of course you’re already doing something towards your self-actualization… 

But I seriously doubt that you are. Why? Because you have to lose “everything” first before you can actually say you do. I believe that if everything is going according to plan, there’s a good chance nothing remarkable is getting done.

I’ll let that thought sink in first. 

Point is, reality will throw all the crap towards us. If we’re just surviving them rather than conquering them, then there’s you problem right there. Surviving pertains to solving issues that come your way. Conquering them pertains to innovating your life so that you use the crap that gets thrown at you to your advantage. But this is not simple, this much I know. On the way a lot of mistakes will be made. Which is “good”. Creatures evolve when placed on a tight spot. “It is only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.”

I’m not saying that to throw away money is the way to go. Nor trash away your careers. But the ability to let that which does not matter truly slide is the most important lesson of all. Mark Twain explains it better, “I have never let schooling interfere with my education.” … All I’m saying is, this world is full of distractions. And right now, I am extremely distracted. Well if it’s any consolation, most of us are.

I need to innovate. No fears. No distractions.
 

… 

And so it begins.