Quicksand from 27 Floors Up

I just got back from my usual afternoon break. I usually go downstairs and take a walk around the bustling streets of Ortigas and grab something to bite. But today was different. I spent my break standing in front of the huge glass windows of our office. If there’s one thing I like the most about our office, it’s the breathtaking view of the metropolis that can be seen in every angle from our office windows. We’re at the 27th floor of a skyscraper in the middle of Metro Manila. Height is just perfect. I can still recognize faces of people walking and crossing streets 27 floors below. 

It was the time of the day when the sun is about to set. I was enjoying the majesty of the metropolis as the day comes to a close. The sun is about to set in the Manila area… its reflection on the waters of Manila Bay visible from where I stand. Then the street lights of Ortigas light up. Then lights of Pasig and Cainta followed. It wasn’t really dark yet. But the lights proved its purpose. Then I felt an unexplainable sensation. It was an influx of sadness, regret, urgency and all those energy draining emotions. I was puzzled. I knew my subconsious was trying to tell me something.  

I looked at the people 27 floors below. They’re all busy minding their own businesses. They look like they didn’t want to be disturbed. Crossing streets, half-jogging, half walking, juggling shopping bags, not really minding their environment. But everyone is still receptive to stimuli. The lights seemed to make them haste more. As if there was a more pressing sense of urgency. I cannot help but feel the same.

I need to move away from this routine. From this pattern. From this… quicksand. Fast.

Then I got tired. Weary, is more like it. It was as if I just got back from the Himalayas. It wasn’t physical, really. But I could hardly drag my feet when I tried to move. I had to loosen my collar. Couldn’t breathe. It was that gripping feeling when you know people are suffering because of you. When you know they have something painful to say behind you. When you know they lose sleep because of your errs. When you know you have been repeatedly trying to improve everything and yet all efforts seem futile. And I feel like I’m doing nothing to improve the situation. Should I even care? Or should I simply mind my own business and be just like the people 27 floors below me? 

Time is running out. I need to do something about this.

It’s all freefall from where I am right now.